After 47 years of construction, the stairs to the top of Mt. Everest have been completed.
"Reaching the summit is finally within the grasp of the common traveler. For all of history, Everest’s summit was nigh impossible to reach, an accomplishment reserved for the most skilled few who persevered over rock and ice and overcame incredible hardship. The stairs are still difficult, there are 78,909 steps, but the danger is gone and with it a dark era of climber’s elitism," said Tenzin Parker, head of SherpaCo who funded the staircase.
Containing more steel than the Empire State Building, the staircase is an engineering marvel like nothing the world has seen before. It’s the single longest span of metal construction in the world, longer even than the Danyang–Kunshan Grand Bridge. But not everyone approves of the accomplishment.
"Climbing Mt. Everest used to mean something, now any old schmoe can do it," said Bill Tangent of the USGS, "This is merely a ploy by SherpaCo to make $75 per admission to the stairs. The climb was once a spiritual adventure and they’ve sold that out for what? A quick buck?"
Tangent forgets that in the regional economy, $75 is enough to send one student to college, or enough to feed a family of three for two years. In this impoverished locale, the stairs are considered a god-send that will revolutionize the entire nation. Tangent replies, “That’s all well and good, but let’s not forget this is robbing white people of their sense of accomplishment.”
Lawyers for Mr. Tangent have explained that he was drunk at the time he made these comments and at no time intended to say what hundreds of rich privileged climber douche-bags were thinking out loud.
The SherpaCo Everest Stairway opens on February 30th to all who wish to climb it, even to Bill Tangent says Tenzin Parker, “If we turned down rich pretentious jocks nobody would ever have made the summit. At least nobody whose name you could pronounce.”